Okay so I wrote this novel, sadly my writing skills are no match for the complexity of my thoughts. The simple version. Man's wife leaves him, man goes to America, gets murdered by drug dealers. His cousin and a prostitute swear vengeance and kill all the drug dealers. - Good but too short! Cousin steals man's identity, comes to England, teams up with man's brother, kills some more drug dealers, marries the hot looking woman, happily ever after. The end.- Works for 98.2% of Hollywood, that's a wrap. Nah!
Two things that really piss me off! (1) People telling me what to write (2) The plots of Hollywood action films.
I admit it, I took the living piss!
Engage the reader, grab their attention on the first page – That's what they told me.
So, opening paragraph – I dropped a nuclear bomb on New York – For no particular reason, but hey, it grabbed the readers attention, didn't it?
Do you remember how they used to put a token black man into the cast, then then kill him off at the first opportunity? Sweet revenge, first death chapter 3. I gave Andrew (white) I think I even called him Andrew White, 4 lines and then let him choke to death a piece of chicken!
Then I let them watch a DVD called Nuclear Deterrent II (long story) starring a woman the lead character refers to as Lana “Bloody” Crutch.
Oh, and due you know when the villain is about to explain the whole plot to the hero, but the hero gets away? My villain is wise to that. He kills the hero first, then explains the plot to the dead body.
Chapter 14 – A car chase with a helicopter and everything – for no particular reason!
After that it just get's worse.
Why can't novels be like music? Why can't I have Absolution (Original), Absolution (The Author's Cut) Absolution (US Adaptation) ?