I have a new character today - Harry, a cab driver from Hackney.
He gives us his take on nursery rhymes.
Ever since they tried to slide that “Virgin Mary had a baby boy” bollocks past me, I knew they were taking us lot for a bunch of mugs. I'll tell you know, I'm not 'avin it. So our little Brian, he's come home from nursery singing Goosey Goosey Gander. Put my nose right out of joint, I'm telling you. I know what happens when a bird gets goosed. So, I've go hold of my computer mate and he's gone a Googled it for me ain't he. Turns out it's some proper yarn about Catholics and Protestants and secret rooms. Bollocks is it!
I tell you what's happened! This posh married bird and her 'personal trainer', they're proper at it, you know, he's givin' her a good seeing to, know what I mean. Slap and tickle all over gaff, I'll tell you. Anyway, the old man's come home early and caught 'em at it. So right, the old man's givin' it the large all up in the trainer's face and all sorts. The trainer's praying that he doesn't have to hurt this geezer, but at the top of the stairs it's all proper come on top. So, bosh! The trainer's done him ain't he. Simple!