Maybe because my main source of input is from the TV - I do things differently. I'm now making extreme characters. They can pop into any novel at anytime. Maybe the annoying guy on the train or in a bar. Or like Harry, he's an East London cab driver. Colin is a new character, he can make a conspiricy out of anything! But as with Harry, it's not bullshit. The facts are accurate, they're just linked in a unique way.
Colin explains the sabotage of the Britsh Motorcycle Industry..................
I awoke this morning with a tune playing in head. It took me some time for me to place, it was an apparently insignificant tune from an old television advert. Nevertheless it provided me with the necessary clues to recognise another conspiracy, the size of which astounds me. The sabotage of the British Motorcycle Industry.
Once upon a time as little boys we all wanted motorbikes. As we grew older into teenage youths we aspired to possess a large beast of a motorcycle. It was obvious motorbikes were sexy, girls loved them and therefore they would love us. Loving us, involved giving us what we were after. I never knew what that was, but whenever I walked my girlfriend home. Gangs of younger children would chant 'We know what you're after.' In retrospect perhaps I should asked them what that was.
The desired bike had to be big sexy and British. This could only mean one thing. The last surviving truly British beast was a Triumph. A Triumph Bonneville was the ultimate two-wheeled passion wagon. I'll give the German's their due, VW, Mercedes BMWs, handsome automobiles but when it came to bikes they couldn't touch us. Us lads worked hard paying our parents board, and saving the pennies left over towards our dream.
Meanwhile, in Heubach, Germany the German's were plotting against us. They were developing their own 'bouncing bomb', it was to prove twice as powerful as ours.
At 7.14pm BST, (the first commercial break during Coronation St.) On the 1st February 1977, two weeks before Valentine's Day. The German's dropped the bomb. I can vividly remember the panic and confusion it caused. Ruthlessly targeted, the bomb had a devastating effect. It would shape the future. Disoriented by images of cleavage, breasts and bare thighs we didn't know what had hit us. And then the killer blow, the propaganda, we were defenceless. 'Triumph has a bra for the way you are.' It was cunningly embedded into our brains with that catchy tune. Every time we looked at the balance in our Post-Office savings books, the tune would play in our heads. 'Triumph has a bra for the way you are.' We were convinced, buying women lingerie was a quicker way of getting whatever it was that we were after. Later that same year, NVT the owners of Triumph motorcycles went bust and we've been buying lingerie for our ladies ever since.
I swear, I'm telling the truth.