Letter to a Screen-writer
Dear Person aspiring to be an original screenwriter.
I'm gonna kick off with a quote as most believe if somebody sounding important didn't say it, it can't be true.
“script gurus like Robert McKee have brainwashed a generation of screenwriters into constructing scenarios along rigid lines: introduction of characters, statement of conflict, development of narrative, division into three acts, carefully placed climaxes, conclusion. This contributes to the sameness of movies, and feeds into audience expectations of comfortable patterns and makes them uneasy if a film diverges from that formula. Little by little movies become more and more similar to each other, with marginal variations. - John Boorman.”
I don't know this gentleman, however his polite manner would suggest he is born of good stock. I, on the other hand have reservations as to authenticity of the details written on my own birth certificate. Please take a moment move a way from the keyboard or put down the pen, or whatever WMD you are currently using. Cinemas everywhere are closing, you people are directly responsible for my television being infected by game shows, cookery shows, Big Brother and stuff like Antarctica's next top model. You listen to Blake Snyder and Robert McKee and y'all come up with same script, 100,000 a year in the US alone. So now this is Toy Story. 100,000 identical things saying 'choose me'. Maybe a producer randomly picks one and y'all say in wonderment 'The Claw has spoken.”
I think the problem stems from reading the words of these gurus and taking them literally and thinking 'That's the way to do it.' A more general education or associative mind would lead you realise, that particular phrase was coined by a puppet. I sympathise with your discomfort or fetish, you clearly want to work with a hand or stick belonging to another being inserted into an orifice belonging to you. Surely 'That's a way to do it' or 'That's the way he/she did it,' is the advice to take on board. Maybe if you wrote something any good Angelina Jolie would not be required to bare her breasts in order to sell it.
The aspect I cannot understand is, in your lounge, available 24/7 you have a massive training course. But you ignore it and listen to somebody from the 'those who can't, teach' educational system.
Blake Snyder, (US screenwriting guru) co-wrote “Stop! Or my Mom will shoot.”(Generally agreed to be the worst film of 1992). Blake pedals his 'beat sheet' and formula, preaching ideal page length (100) and running time (90 mins) etc. Screenwriting students regard Blake's teachings as law. What am I missing?
Now go watch 'The Shawshank Redemption', classic.(142min) and tell me which part of it fits.
I admit it. Hollywood has proven the film 'The Producers' to be a true story, but please quit it now. It's not funny anymore, stop trying to sell us the worst movie ever made. This is harsh and unreasonable cruelty. You've proven your point, we the public are stupid. You don't seem to realise what you've done. Other industries are catching on. We can't cure Cancer, AIDS, or even the common cold but hey, for two hundred quid L'oreal can sell you a tub of cream to stop you ageing.
Anyway, if you are a producer or anything like that. Don't take this as an attempt to disparage you or your ideal. Really, this is a pitch for my new game show 'Hollywood Claw'. We get the writers to come on the show, read their treatments etc. We can like have a panel, a couple of 'has been' actors and a one hit director that's a recovering alcoholic. For the two part big final we can shoot a five minute scene from the contestant's scripts. Get the public to vote (£1.50 minute), the winner can get a film contract. As for the runner up, they can have my TV, I won't be needing it.